rawr zoesaur. <3

Thoughts.

2007-01-16T05:23:00Z

I intend to read:
- "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." Ken Kesey.
- "The House of Mirth." Edith Wharton.
- "The Sound and the Fury." William Faulkner.
- "As I Lay Dying." William Faulkner.
- "The Great Gatsby." F. Scott Fitzgerald.
- "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance." Robert M. Pirsig.
- "On The Road." Jack Kerouac.
- "Siddhartha." Herman Hesse.
- "Cat's Cradle." Kurt Vonnegut.
- Everything else by Chuck Palahniuk [I've read Fight Club and Lullaby].

Really soon.
I need to acquire some of them first.

I also intend to stay more organized.
Maybe do some homework.
Maybe focus more on my passions: photography/design/fashion.
I might get another job.
I'm turning eighteen very soon.
I want to sleep.

euthanasian @ 2007-01-15T22:38:00

2007-01-16T04:39:02Z

I have not updated for months.
It is a new year.
Things have changed.
Of course; they always change.
I might start using this again.

euthanasian @ 2006-08-27T14:43:00

2006-08-27T19:51:26Z

We'd been tripping for a while, and then I started taking pictures.

We went on a grand adventure.

Craaaaaaaaazy.

Vagabonds is what we are. The nomadic tribe of Belle Meade.

Stephen was having a lovely time.

Hahahahahahahahaha. :]

Oh my gee.

We made it to our destination after a grueling .. 5 minutes. I cut Will's hair the other day. Ain't it cute?

Stephen and Nicholas.

Dextromethorphan.

The happiest boy I know.

We went to Neal's house [after a long period of time in which we sat in Nicholas' garage].

Roflcopter.

Lookit 'im.

He loves it!

I do, too.

We took a drive to Edwin Warner.

Wheeeeeee said the Will.

Before playing in the creek.

After the creek, we decided to paint. Will tried to seduce me. It almost worked.

We're quite talented, you see.

We smoked them dankles.

Nicholas did some public artwork.

Part One of 3.

And then we went to TCBY! Yaaaaaaay.

IT IS YOUR CORRUPT WE CLAIM.

2006-04-08T20:11:05Z

Some of the most beautiful shots are the courtroom scene.

Boondock Saints.

Watch it.

Um, I guess it helps that the Irish boys are crazy cute.

This is Calcutta ..

2006-02-01T03:31:34Z

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.

MARK

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-

(MAUREEN flashes hers)

La vie Boheme

ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

MARK

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad

To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike,

Midday past the three- piece suits

To fruits to no absolutes

To Absolute- to choice

To the Village Voice

To any passing fad

To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -

ALL

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

(JOANNE enters)

MAUREEN

Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE

It is, Maureen

MAUREEN

The mixer doesn't have a case

Don't give me that face

(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)

MR. GREY

Ahhemm

MAUREEN

Hey Mister- she's my sister

RESTAURANT MAN

So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls

A BOY

Ugh

COLLINS

It tastes the same

MIMI

If you close your eyes

RESTAURANT MAN

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?

ALL

Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation

MARK

Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS

To Sontag

ANGEL

To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE

To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS

Lenny Bruce

ROGER

Langston Hughes

MAUREEN

To the stage

PERSON #1

To Uta

PERSON #2

To Buddha

PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em

ALL

La vie Boheme

(JOANNE returns)

MAUREEN

And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE

Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN

Well - hurry back

(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)

MR. GREY

Sisters?

MAUREEN

We're close

(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss)

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY

Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS

Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,

Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman

German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein

Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa

Carmina Burana

ALL

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,

To no shame - never playing the Fame Game

COLLINS

To marijuana

ALL

To sodomy,

It's between God and me

To S & M

(MR. GREY walks out)

BENNY

Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

ALL

La vie Boheme

COLLINS

In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence

immediately following dinner

Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn

chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred

ROGER

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days

(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)

MARK

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the

eleventh street lot,

Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,

While accompanying herself on the electric cello

Which she has never studied

(At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss

MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside)

BENNY

Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?

MIMI

There's nothing to know

BENNY

Don't you think that we should discuss-

MIMI

It was three months ago

BENNY

He doesn't act like he's with you

MIMI

We're taking it slow

BENNY

Where is he now?

MIMI

He's right - hmm

BENNY

Uh huh

MIMI

Where'd he go?

MARK

Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme)

That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"

COLLINS

Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris

While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub

ANGEL

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist

Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment

To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words:

ALL

"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS"

On my mind since Jan 1st.

2006-01-29T15:06:18Z

If I don't get to Paris for the summer, I will rip my skin off.

euthanasian @ 2006-01-26T18:29:00

2006-01-27T00:32:31Z

I hate that writing in these things makes me want to rip out my hair.

When did that happen?

Steve Lee tomorrow plz.

By the way. What I was writing about -was- the need and desire to return to Paris for the summer.

Just me and maybe two or three friends.

euthanasian @ 2005-11-20T20:08:00

2005-11-21T02:11:10Z

- Steve Martin .. is the sex.
- I bet Rush Limbaugh was shitting himself.
- I'm baking cookies. Joan and I are made for each other.
- Thanksgiving is iffy this year.
- Harry Potter made my brain hurt.
- SAD is the perfect anagram for what it is.
- I hate "broken homes." It makes no sense to me.
- I really have a conflict of interest.
- Gordon Freeman .. is the man.
- Evolutionism vs creationism this year should be better than last year.
- I am weird.

euthanasian @ 2005-11-12T08:44:00

2005-11-12T14:48:30Z

Y'know what?

I'm fully aware of what today is. When I was sitting in English and Pete had to remind me of the date ..

I know.

I've -known.-

I've been so scared of today since November 15th of last year. Yep. And I'm still terrified.

But I'm in my own happy could of denial. :] Yes, I am.

I think I fucking hate this day.

Tons of pictures.

2005-11-08T00:22:48Z

This is what happens when you don't upload pictures in weeks:

This is the lovely new drive-through Starbucks on West End. [This is where we go when we skipz0r.]

The menu is so neat!

So is the little .. order-checker-thing!

Later that day at Neal's, those crazy kids did the YMCA for us!

They're good at C's.

NEAL WINS!

One day, Pete and I went to the park, and met this duck, [Question] Mark. [The next Friday, we skipped, too. This is post-Starbucks.]

Pete tried to feed him part of my Starbucks muffin.

And then I tried.

I wasn't very successful, obviously.

So I ran after him!

Look at 'em!

Silly duckies and the silly Pete.

Hello, duckies!

OH NOES!!11!!1111111 N00BZ0R!

It was okay, though. They landed safely.

Apparently, it made me emo, and made Pete happy.

HAPPY LITTLE BOY!

We met up with Mark again, and he tried to untie Pete's shoe.

We went to the old bank's parking lot. Pete looks fat.

pwnt.

Close-up.

We went to the park one night. [Pete / Parker / Neal / Stirling.]

Pete was getting frisky.

Sooooo hawt. Yess.

BYE, SWINGS!

AGAIN!

Neal and James were in a tree once.

They had fun.

Then we all went on his roof.

Trevor's posing while Neal and I are .. being stupid.

NEAL AND I ARE ASIAN.

I struck a pose while Neal was .. air-DJing.

Pete humped me as I was .. grabbing Neal's crotch, as Parker laid out. Yes sir, we're awesome.

Ilva and Jean are lovely. :]

Parker doesn't know what he's doing, silly boy.

Well, Pete's obviously coming out of my head.

Will's a dancin' fiend.

Neal's also a dancin' fiend, but with a flamehead.

Gracie Lou, Will, and Ilva.

Uh, I believe Ira knows what's up.

Winslow is the silliest puppy in all the land.

:] Rofl.

And so we have the prettiest skies of all.

Neal, packing a bowl before bowling. And Joan y Esteban Humble [Stephen Humble is the most wonderful friend ever].

See? Pretty skies!

And so I went to Best Buy with Pete to buy 3D glasses for I Love the 80s 3D and I got excited, 'cause I was gonna see Manda, but .. she lives in Ohio. And they aren't even very 3D!

TADA!

Little dashed entry.

2005-11-06T15:23:42Z

- I really love Nashville. [Early, early morning storms and tornadoes, sunshine a few hours later for me to wake up to].
- I -really- hate being a girl .. sometimes.
- FINDING -WORMS- IN YOUR FUCKING REESE'S CUPS IS NOT A GOOD THING. Especially if they're the ones wrapped in foil in a big plastic bag, because .. who's to say there aren't more? So now the rejected Reese's cup is sitting next to my computer, because I'm still afraid to do away with it. I need a man.
- I really can't wink. It's sad.
- It's just a beautiful morning. Like, gorgeous.
- My camera .. decided not to work? I mean .. no. It works. My digi. But the screen doesn't work. I can barely see the Canon logo, but that's all. It's black. I want to upload my pictures. ;x I'd do so at school, but I'm not entirely sure how incriminating they might be.
- It's November. And November is not a good month for me. At all. In any way. Nothing good happened in November last year.
- I remember I was skinny, though. Being depressed was a good weight-loss program.
- I baked really huge cookies last night. They're tasty.
- I'm kind of making money. It's sweet.
- Nobody reads this.
- I missed CJ Boyd last night because Pete went to see a POS movie.
- It'll be a while 'fore I see CJ again. Sob.

euthanasian @ 2005-10-12T23:10:00

2005-10-13T04:15:56Z

I watched the Rebecca video today.

I cried a little in the beginning. Cried a little all throughout.

Oh, my stars. It's exactly 11 months today.

I watched it with Pete. He snuggled me when I cried. I also hid under the covers.

And, oh man. There are still so many parts that hurt so badly. And things I'm so angry over, still. And things that make me want to scream. And bad memories. And it doesn't feel fair.

She was such a stunning girl. I miss her. I really, really fucking miss her. A lot.

Like. Holy shit.

Watching Paula cry made me cry. Watching her Dad made me want to die. It all hurt so much.

Tension headache.

Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?

euthanasian @ 2005-10-08T08:53:00

2005-10-08T13:56:11Z

Wow.

So .. my Dad really needs to take life lessons.

Seriously.

I'd teach him myself, but he hates me. Pssssssh.

Fuck his couch.

He's the only person who can make me violent at the drop of a hat. He's the only one I can imagine kicking until he dies.

That can't be too good.

euthanasian @ 2005-10-06T22:22:00

2005-10-07T03:24:30Z

SE7EN style .. almost.

Joan = teh hawt.

The powderpuff game during lunch for spirit week. Will looks like he's about to suck some peen.

Neal's smile is crazy!

My hair = stupid!

I make funny faces and don't mean to. =/

-Wince.- Pete's finger was almost in my nose. Thus, another funny face.

I LIKE TO SUCK THE PEEN! Will, and his succulent, succulent grapes. Grace is jealous of my peen-sucking abilities. ;] Amanda knows.

Ee, another silly face.

NEAL'S SILLY FACE!!

More grape action from Will, yeah buddy!

Great looks from everybody!

Pete likes to jack off Will. Madison tried to write his name on his hand with her left hand. Didn't turn out so well.

I made Will deep-throat that shit. Mmmmmhm.

:] Awwwww.

Apparently, Neal makes some yumtastic smoothies.

Written on the board in theatre.

POOPY PANTS.

"♥ David Hasslehoff."

"Shit, did I spell that wrong?"

"HASSELHOFF'D."

AAAAAAH.

Rofl.

Going to Discount Tobacco after school.

The neat part behind Discount.

Shit, I'm deep. Hi, foot!

Catiiiiieeeee .. <3 PS: Don't say what this means in the comments. We have an identity theft, y'know. ;]

We went to Neal's house after school and I took a picture of August!!

S'all for now yaaay. Except .. is Neal not the cutest boy ever? And in some of the pictures, there's this kid above Will's head. It's Ronald, the guy I worked with 2 summers ago. The one that worked with Matt and I and they set the broom on fire in the employee only room? Yeeeeah. =/ Good stuff.

euthanasian @ 2005-10-05T20:04:00

2005-10-06T01:07:13Z

Anybody have any room to let me live?

I need a place around January of this year until I turn 18. Any takers in the Green Hills / Woodmont / West End area?

Imperfection.

2005-10-03T21:14:26Z

-Why- .. am I never good enough?
Or .. -why- .. are you such a piece of shit ~~mother~~ father?

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say goodbye.

euthanasian @ 2005-09-24T10:04:00

2005-09-24T15:09:16Z

Pete gave me a cold a few weeks ago. His is gone. I'm still coughing. Whenever I breathe, there's a light wheeze, followed by coughing. My throat's itchy. He has an outbreak on his arms and it's getting worse. And we both eat a lot.

We're not doing so well in the health-department, but when are we ever? Physically and mentally? At least our mental health seems to be tip-top right now.

India is 21, I think. That's really old for a cat. She was urinating blood for a day. And yesterday, when I picked up my stereo remote, there was bloody urine all over the batteries. It was gross, and it made me sad. I tried to think of the name of the condition in which there's urine in the blood, but I can't remember it. Hemo-something, obviously. Hmm, I probably failed my 6-weeks anatomy test. Fantastic.

I'm trying to gain more self-control with the eating. Because .. I just feel bad. Physically. I feel gross and weighed down.

Being home alone is peaceful.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say Goodbye.

Lookin' up.

2005-09-23T01:25:10Z

Things are very calm right now. -Very- calm. It feels good to not be so damn stressed out all the time. I like to feel relaxed.

I mean, regardless of the paralyzing fear of my future. Yeah, that'll stick around for a while, I'm positive. Oh, and this damn weight thing still irks the hell out of me. I need more self-control, I do declare!

I need to shower. I need to do English make-up work. =/ Damn you, Mrs. Jones, for giving us busy work when you were gone for days on end. I'll wait 'til I'm feeling more creative to do this essay. Shouldn't be too difficult.

This weekend'll be relaxing, too. All my 6-weeks tests will be done and grades will be in. I'm just -stressing- this fucking English thing. I hate bookwork. Textbooks make me wish I wasn't literate. I could just bullshit my way through a resource class. Pretend like I don't know my colors or something. -Snicker.-

Right, so, my cat's dying. Sweet.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say Goodbye.

Post-Script; Evan, dear, why be so self-concious? Especially around somebody like me. Of course I find you funny. I find your jokes to be funny. Why think otherwise? I love you, child. Don't forget it. But why is it so important to you that -I- approve of your humor? Or am I even way off base .. ♥

FUCKING ASIAN INVASION OKAY GO.

2005-09-12T02:16:57Z

- - - - - -

Oh, yes. Still working on bettering myself. Finding more peace. Being more calm and rational. It feels good. To quote Kepes-Kittie, "I have never been so sure of love in my life." Something like that. And that's just helping my need to create. My need to -grow.- Wow, I just typed "growl." .. Mrowl.

I have a photo-editing program because my father is apparently the king of all Microsoft kings. I'm looking forward to finding a site to update my drivers (as HP.COM and the ATI websites have dead linx) .. And getting rid of the damn line down my monitor. It was red, turned purple, and is now lime-green. Bizarre. I s'pose I need to send this hunk in.

I need to do my Spolin paper. I need to study for anatomy, though I think I have most of it down. I need to get a clue in Algebra. I need to gain interest in the Crucible. I need to bring my History book home, ASAP. I need to buy school supplies and knitting supplies and ..

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say Goodbye.

Striving ..

2005-09-12T02:08:26Z

I WANT TO FUCKING MAKE -ART.-

My writing, photography, personality, walls, decor, clothes, stage presence, character ..

NOTHING IS FUCKING -CREATIVE- ENOUGH. I feel like creating. I feel like making something beautiful. I feel so stifled emotionally and creatively and ..

Nothing around me seems beautiful enough. I want to make something beautiful.

I need to fucking do something with myself artistically. I need to get out and take photos, but I don't have enough money for film, enough time to process how I'd like, and enough money for somebody else to process. I have no drawing / painting talent. I cannot write. I don't have the money to decorate.

I think .. I'm actually looking forward to living with Dad. I'm looking foward to giving the place a whole new look. I'm waiting to have -money.- Being in a financially stable household. A place that will look up to my standards. A place .. practically decorated by -me.-

Maybe I should be a damn interior designer.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Not I will just say Goodbye.

Psssh MMOs.

2005-09-05T12:51:37Z

IN GAMING NEWS ..

Warcraft is Officially the gayest fucking MMO that was ever invented besides Everquest.

But .. damn. Even Everquest doesn't have damn Pokemon trading cards.

And I got into [dYn] finally. I stopped using the username and just went to [dYn] the asian.goo. Rofl. So I'm noobing it up in the most boring map rotation with some of the most asshole noobs but the coolest clan so .. whatever.

Oh, yeah. And thanks, WoW, for stealing my boyfriend. I WANT HIM BACK. Seriously. Who plays 7+ hours worth of an MMO and totally isolates themselves, and kind of forcefully sometimes? Psssssh. Nerds and your damn cooks and gnomes and hosses and shit.

Anyway. Labo[u]r Day. Woot. No school, and of course, I wake up at 7. Why? Because I do every day I don't have school, despite going to bed at ___. I mean, it could've been 5 am, I still would've woken up at 7. I think I need constant total darkness in my room. .. Because I am dark and my soul is spiralling into a black abyss.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say Goodbye.

euthanasian @ 2005-08-08T12:11:00

2005-08-08T17:12:51Z

School starts in a week.

If I don't start hauling ass, I'm off to Pittsburgh and everything will be ruined. Cool.

Reading is hard.

I don't know how.

Sixth period should be interesting.

euthanasian @ 2005-05-21T00:22:00

2005-05-21T05:29:47Z

I'm really satisfied with this layout. I need one for my friends only journal.

Gah. School is almost out. I'm so very ready to get rid of sophomore year. I'm fucking through. I need to let go. Immediately. I need to start over. I've made so many mistakes. I want to get rid of these shit memories. I wonder if I'm making shit memories right now. I doubt it. These are some good times with my buddies.

I have nothing to do. Tonight was weird.

I have writer's block, too. Can you tell? oO; Nothing feels natural.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say Goodbye.

ATTN: Alliance members.

2005-05-05T22:02:27Z

Yes, I just found out today. New CKY CD, mother fuckers! Hell yeah! I'm so psyched. Oh, man, they're bragging about this piece so hardcore. They say that they're not putting down what they've done in the past, but this is the best they've done to date. I've got a track listing! :

01. Suddenly Tragic
02. The Way You Lived
03. Dressed In Decay
04. Familiar Realm
05. All Power To Slaves
06. Tripled Manic State
07. Behind the Screams
08. Deceit Is Striking Gold
09. As the Tables Turn
10. Sniped
11. Don't Hold Your Breath

Woooord. And check out, "Familiar Realm," if you're interested, here. It should save to your iTunes, you iTunes users. I'm not sure if you just have Windows Media or whatever.

I know that I'll be heading to Tower records before midnight on June 27th.

All we ever wanted was an answer.

PostScript: I'm sorry for any comments I might've been missing. I obviously stopped using this journal for a while and I didn't redirect the emails to my new email (it's a Gmail .. COOL!) So .. sorry again if comments have been coming late or there's been no response at all. Thank God for enough boredom in photo class to check my old Yahoo! mail.

euthanasian @ 2005-03-21T09:38:00

2005-03-21T15:45:18Z

Lately I'm beginning to find
That I should be the one behind the wheel.

- Incubus.

[l y r i c s d u j o u r]

Spring Break is exactly what I need. That and serious therapy .. but, whatever. Most of my buddies are out of town, but Pete, JJ, and Cullen aren't. Woot. I wish Spring Break lasted longer, but .. eh. I guess a week is all I could hope for.

Amy and Matt House are awesome.

My peeps are teh pwnage.

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
Now I can't think; think why I should even try.
Yesterday seems as thought it never existed.
Death greets me warm. Now I will just say goodbye.